Deliver Me
by StarSlingerSnitch
Summary: Deliver me out of my sadness. Deliver me from all of the madness. Deliver me courage to guide me. Deliver me strength from inside me. All of my life I've been in hiding, wishing there was someone just like you. Now that I've found you, I know that you're the one to pull me through. Takumi is going through one of the worst times in his life. Will Gii make things alright again?


**A/N: This is my first yaoi fic, so I hope I do a good job! It's the ending scene of the third Takumi movie, 'Bibou No Detail' and that's where I'm taking most of the dialogue. There are some changes but most of the dialogue did come from that. I'm basing it off of the movie, not the manga, since I have yet to read it yet! I was also heavily influenced by the YouTube video 'Deliver Me', by mistyreflections. It inspired me so much as you could probably tell from the title. Anyway, enjoy!**

_Human beings that are alive are the most difficult to understand._

He sets his bag down gently on the steps, careful not to let anything fall out of the half-closed zipper. After that is done, he glances around, not sure what to do with himself. There's nothing left for him to do anyway.

The fading sun shines through the dusty windows of the concert hall, illuminating the darkened room by a little bit. Many things are already packed up and ready to be moved before the hall is demolished. The rays reflect off of the shiny wood, playing patterns across the surfaces and reminding him of the stripes of moonlight on Gii's face when he watched him sleep.

_No._

_ Don't think. _

But he can't help it. Thoughts of the auburn-haired man begin to drift through his mind even as he tries so hard to push them out. If he can't shut them out, why not let the flood come rushing in?

But no. That would be counterproductive.

_This is where Gii confessed last year._

He wraps his arms around his knees, pulling them closer to him as memories of that fateful day flash in vivid colors through his mind.

_"Looks like we've been locked in."_

_ He was sitting with his knees pulled to his chest, avoiding the intense gaze of the other and trying to be as far away from him as possible. His skin still burns with the other's touch, reminding him with every breath how contaminated his is and how fear is stretching each muscle taut. Coiling beneath his skin, pressing in on his bones, setting them on fire like nothing else ever will._

_ A hand near his head. The fear grows darker, bigger. It consumes him from the inside out. He turns and there's no escape._

_ He can't move. There's nothing left of him to move._

_ "Don't run away."_

He bites his lip to keep from letting out a cry. He will not cry. He's already cried too much for Gii, shedding more tears won't do any good. Besides, why would Gii care anyway? Why would anyone care?

He's a nothing. He's a nobody. Everyone leaves in the end. What's the point of being with anyone when they abandon him anyway?

But he cries anyway. Just one tear is all he can manage because he is too full of hurt and pain and sadness to let out anything. Because if he starts and lets it leave his body like poison, seeping through his cracks, it will never stop.

He's softened too much. He was doing fine before Gii came and messed him up. Why couldn't he have just left him alone?

But actually…he didn't mind it that much. Better Gii then anyone else.

_I wonder if you'll still like me if you knew who I really am… _

"_If it's for your sake, I'm willing to do anything." _

He doesn't mind being in love with someone who might not love him back.

Even if it hurts him. Even if it's shattering his heart beyond any compare. Even though it's the worst pain he's ever felt, that slinks underneath his skin and burns him, spreading through his veins and reaching up to his heart.

Even if it breaks him.

And it is. It is breaking him so much that soon there will be nothing left of him. He never thought he would let anyone in again after what happened. He never thought he'd find anyone who would actually love him enough to put up with his walls and care enough to take them apart, brick by brick. He never thought he'd find someone to fall in love with.

But he did.

Gii made him want to live again. He made him want to start over. He made him want to love. To love again. He didn't even know if he was even capable of love anyway, after everything. If his heart had been twisted and broken beyond any repair and was just this thing that beat inside him with no willpower, only to keep him alive.

Gii had changed that. He had taken in all of his flaws, all of his imperfections, his messed up past and fragmented soul and put it together again with all the love and compassion only he can possess.

_This time I wonder if I can become stronger._

But now all that is gone. All of the love Gii gave him is still here, but it's not…not working. It's still here, deep inside him but without Gii actually here as well, it is doing him no good except to remind him of what he once had. All the memories, all of the moments, everything they had together is now haunting him over and over again.

_"Such things as precious memories…I don't have any."_

_ "Let me help you. We can make some of our own."_

_ "If I stay like this, I might get better."_

The young boy lets a sigh escape his lips at the memory. It seems like yesterday they were like that. Happy, in love, feeling like they could do anything as long as they had each other.

Things change though. And not just for the better.

The pain comes again, dark and big and so intensely hurtful that he feels like ripping his heart from feeling so much. It's not helping him as much as he wants it to anyway.

His breaths start to quicken as he realizes how alone he really is. Is he doomed to go through life alone? Was fate as cruel to give him the best thing ever and then casually swipe it from his hands?

Because Gii was-_is_-the best thing that has ever happened to him. When he told him 'I love you', it wasn't out of habit. It was to remind him that he's the best thing to ever happen to him. And to lose him now is killing him.

It's like it's living inside of him. But he can't get rid of it because by killing it, it will kill him too.

"Takumi?"

His voice.

Takumi slowly turns his head to see Gii standing in the doorway, silhouetted by the fading sun. In its rays, his face looks tanner and his hair looks redder then usual but he's still Gii. He's still the same man Takumi fell in love with.

"Gii?" His voice is soft, quietly breaking on the inside. To be confronted with Gii so suddenly after being so quickly abandoned is making his thoughts entangle with one another, even more so then they already are.

Gii walks slowly towards him, carefully measuring every footstep. "So you were here after all." He's panting slightly. As he gets closer, Takumi tightens his body, not wanting to be near him but also wanting the other man to take him in his arms.

He wants to be touched and not be touched at the same time. Only Gii can make him feel that way.

He stops in front of him, still breathing heavily. Takumi avoids his eyes, looking instead at the floor. He just wants a break from all these emotions.

"Takumi…can I…sit next to you?" Gii asks tentatively. The other boy doesn't know how to respond to such a question. He forces himself to raise his eyes but only to Gii's neck and then stops. Because if he looked him in the eyes, it would make the whole thing that much worse. He would remember why he fell in love with him. He would remember seeing those eyes seeming to smile at him over their meal. He would remember seeing his eyes glazed over during class, focused on something far away. He would remember the gentleness of his eyes as he leans over to kiss him. He would remember nothing but love shining out as he towers over him, running his hands up and down the other's sides…

"Yeah…" he murmurs, mentally clearing his head of such thoughts. It would do no good to remember the things they once shared because none of it mattered anymore. He tightens when Gii seats himself next to him.

How he made his knees crumple underneath him. How when he confessed to him, he sounded so sincere. Takumi didn't believe him at first. Why should he? He had no reason to. Nothing anyone had ever done gave him reason to believe the endearing words coming from Gii's lips.

But he believed them anyway, because Gii just had that way about him. Even after he shut him out and even after he swore he'd never let anyone in again because they all leave. Even after he told him about his past, with bloody scars pouring out the remainder of the little soul he had left. But he saw Takumi's bitterness, his darkness, his battle wounds and made Takumi believe him after all.

"I'm sorry." It's so quiet that at first, Takumi thinks he imagined it. That he imagined those sweet, sweet words he wants Gii so desperately to say.

"Eh?"

"For not coming to visit," Gii clarifies. Takumi shifts a little bit and bites back a sigh.

"It's okay," he says softly, sniffing. He thought there was going to be a little more to it than that. He's confused about it, honestly. He thought there would be deeper meaning to it then not coming to visit.

Then again, it all started out with him not coming to visit. Followed by brush offs, cold indifference, being separate from him voluntarily, being distant with him. It all added up to this, where Gii completely and utterly left him.

Indifference is the opposite of love.

And he was showing that quite well.

_ "It's not that big of a deal_

_ "I'm sorry."_

_ "It's okay. It was…just because I was told to."_

_ "I'm ruining our relationship."_

_ "Eh?"_

Takumi is having trouble differing which is happening right now and which happened long ago, in the very same room they are in now when Gii confessed to him. The words said then echo through his mind, becoming very similar to the sentences being uttered now.

"I drove you to this." Gii leans over, staring at his hands clasped in his lap. With his eyes down, Takumi knows it's safe enough to look at him and does so.

He wishes he didn't.

Seeing Gii so sad is an image that tears at his own heart. He never wants Gii to be sad. Ever. And to know that he has put him through so much pain is only making it worse.

"It's not like that, Gii," he tries to reassure the other.

"But you know, Takumi…" Gii starts and he knows where the other is headed with this. He doesn't want an apology for something that isn't even Gii's fault. He doesn't want him to be sad, especially if it's for his sake. He's not worth that much anyway.

"I said it's okay-"

"That's not what I mean," interrupts Gii. He glances at Takumi then bows his head so he's once again staring at his hands. "I…" He seems to be searching for the right words to say. And that never happens. Gii always knows what to say. Seeing him like this saddens Takumi. He remembers Gii's words but this time, they're turned around. _He _drove Gii to this.

"I…I didn't notice what happened to you," Gii says after a few more moments. He swallows as Takumi stares at him with feelings swirling inside him. He's not sure what they are though. Guilt? Sadness? Love? All he knows is that they're making it hard to think straight.

"That's…" he starts, unsure of where he's going with it. How does one respond to something like that? "You couldn't have prevented that-"

"No," Gii cuts him off. "I'm worse than scum. I let this happen…I couldn't do anything. I'm sorry, Takumi."

"Gii…" Takumi whispers. Those words…with them he is once again opening Takumi up, once again getting under his skin and cracking his heart. It takes him back to that day. That night.

He made his knees crumple beneath him. He made him wish for things he knew he could never have. He should have bundled his wishes up because he met a guy who destroyed his heart as soon as Takumi laid it in his hands. Then he swore up and down that he would wrap his bruised heart in barbed wire. But then he helped him, making Takumi no longer want to keep his heart sealed up because he had forgotten what it was like to have his heart yanked from his chest then handed back to him.

_"Don't run away." He can't keep his eyes off of Gii's hand, so near to his head. Gii is so close to him, so close, that he can hear every breath he takes._

_ "Those guys were harassing you this morning because of me."_

_ He turns his head slowly, meeting the other's eyes. "Eh?" He doesn't understand. What is he talking about? And why is he still so close to him?_

_ "It was because Takabayashi knew that I'm in love with you."_

_ It doesn't make any sense. None of it does. He needs to leave, now. To escape. All his senses are screaming at him to get out as fast as he can before anything happens, before he can barely breathe._

_ He turns to the other side to move as Gii's right hand comes slamming down on his other side, trapping him with his limbs. There's nowhere to go._

_ Unspoken words hover in the air. "I've liked you since the very first day."_

"Hey, Gii? Can I ask you something?" inquires Takumi hesitantly. He's still nervous as ever around the auburn haired man but this is something he needs to know, if only to make everything better or worse.

"What is it?" Gii looks at his legs, not quite ready to meet the other's eyes. Takumi swallows, keeping his eyes on Gii's face even if his eyes are avoided.

When…when we were apart, was it…was it hard on you too?" _Did it kill you inside, not seeing me? Did you wish I was there next to you minute? Did you want me to be there with you? Did you miss me, sleeping next to you, hearing me breathe in the quietness of the night?_

"Y-yeah," Gii says shakily, drawing in a breath. The sun still traces patterns across his face, spilling golden liquid on his skin. "Because my feelings for you haven't changed at all."

"Then let me help you!" Takumi says, louder then he meant to. But he needs Gii to know this, because in the end, it will only benefit them. "Share the weight you're carrying with me."

Gii looks up to meet his eyes and for a minute, everything fades away. Why can't Gii understand this? All he wants is for him to be happy, all he wants is for him to trust him so they will be on the same page. Now that he's found Gii, he knows that Gii is the only one that will pull him through anything. Gii is the only one for him.

"Takumi…" Gii trails off, still lost in Takumi's eyes.

"Don't belittle me Gii," Takumi tells him, trying not to get distracted by Gii's eyes. He needs to say this, otherwise nothing will be the way they want it to be. "I want to always share your happiness, your sadness and your hardships with you." He sniffs and looks down, knowing he can't stare into the other's eyes any longer or he'll lose his train of thought. "No matter how much we love each other, we're different people. So I can't tell what you're thinking. But that's exactly why I want to share so much with you."

"Takumi," repeats Gii, not knowing what to say himself. Takumi takes a deep breath, not used to sharing so many emotions, even with Gii. He hasn't even begun to describe how it felt when it seemed Gii had abandoned him. It felt like he had his whole world turned upside-down, with his window into normalcy cracking and exposing everything he hoped would never happen.

_"Do you miss me as a roommate?"_

_ "Yes. I miss lying in bed and talking about our dreams."_

_ "Before I go to sleep, I imagine you're here by my side."_

"I love you," he says softly. "Gii." There's silence after he says this and he thinks he just messed up whatever relationship they had left which was salvageable.

Gii slowly slides himself off of the step and instead kneels in front of Takumi, his expression unreadable. "Can I…can I touch you?"

"Yeah…" Takumi mumbles after a few seconds. He wants Gii to touch him but at the same time, the thought of anyone touching him sends tingles down his spine and a tightness in his hands. A closing of his throat that makes it hard to breathe and an anticipation of the burning that is to come.

Gii leisurely trails his fingers across Takumi's face, wiping away one of the few tears Takumi had cried before. This first gesture doesn't make Takumi want to get up and run, to get out. It feels…nice. It leaves a warm sensation on his cheek, making him feel nothing but safeness.

Gii cups the black-haired boy's cheek, ever so slowly leaning closer to him. "Takumi…if you're scared, tell me."

He gives a small nod. He's not scared. Not yet. Anxious, maybe. Taut, muscles coiled but not from fear. He's waiting.

Gii leans in closer, sliding his hand from Takumi's face to the back of his neck and pulls the boy towards him. There's no time to back out now and even if Takumi wants to, he is frozen.

Their lips crash together, not harshly but enough to startle him. _It burns! _Every instinct is telling him to get away now as their mouths touch. It sends a warning to his brain and he reacts instantly, shoving Gii away from him as fear settles in him, threading his veins and making every sensation a thousand times more intense and on hyperaware.

Gii's glasses fall to the floor. His arms come up to wrap around Takumi, holding him to his chest. Takumi is breathing heavily, feeling like he just ran a mile. His heart is racing, beating so hard in his chest he feels like it will pound right through his skin. His breaths are coming in quick gasps as he tries to calm himself even as the urge to get away still throbs within him.

_It's Gii. It's Gii,_ he repeats over and over again in his head, trying to calm down, trying to remind himself that Gii loves him and won't hurt him. _It's Gii._

Gii hugs him closer to him, his arm tight around the back of Takumi's neck. "I'm always thinking of you, over and over."

_"I love you Takumi. I won't have anyone else but you." There's silence. He is paralyzed with having someone so close. He can't escape, can't even move. "I don't want to regret this! I love you Takumi."_

_ He leans closer. Their lips touch._

_ He feels no urge to run away. He couldn't even if he tried. He is petrified and can only blink his eyes rapidly as he feels Gii's mouth against his._

_ Gii pulls back to look at him with an unreadable expression. "You don't hate me, do you?" They stare at each other, each trying to read the other's thoughts. "Do you?"_

_ But Takumi can't answer. He is rooted to the spot, unable to do anything except to continue to look at the auburn-haired man. He still feels the warmth of the other's lips on his, a sweet taste that surprisingly leaves him wanting…more._

_ Gii once again leans closer to him and Takumi closes his eyes, preparing himself for a second kiss that he actually wants. Their lips brush and he feels warmth come to his limbs again, letting him know he is no longer frozen. But he still doesn't want to move. _

Takumi reaches a hand up slowly to clutch at the folds in Gii's jacket. He needs something, anything to keep him steady. It's not the fear of getting touched that is getting to him, he's over that but it's something…more. Just feeling the warmth of Gii's arms still around him is helping to slow his thoughts and let the wildness leave his body.

"Gii…" Takumi trails off as Gii pulls back, releasing his hand from Takumi's neck but bringing it to cup his cheek instead, like before. "Do miracles exist…even for lost love?" His voice is hesitant.

"Takumi." Gii smiles slightly. "We are not lost."

Then he leans in and brushes his lips against Takumi's. This time, nothing makes him want to run or get away from Gii. This time, it as sweet as it has been in the past. Takumi smiles against Gii's lips as they deepen the kiss, tilting their heads this way and that.

_"I've never wanted to see someone…to talk about my feelings."_

Gii's hands slide down Takumi's neck to his shoulders, then to his shirt and start to pull at the first button.

_"Remember that I will always love you, even if you don't love me."_

Gii continues to work at the buttons, his hands brushing Takumi's chest as he does so and sending shivers through the black-haired boy. All the while, he never moves his mouth from Takumi's.

_"If I stay like this, I might get better."_

Takumi starts to pull at Gii's shirt too, until the first traces of tan skin become uncovered.

_"Now that I've found you, I know you're the one to pull me through."_

Soon their shirts are gone and their bare chests press against each other as their kisses become more hungry, more needful. Their mouths move against one another, fitting perfectly as if they're made for each other.

_Feelings will always connect with the threads of the heart. _

**A/N: Well? How did I do? Hope you liked it!**


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